I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
