Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
