made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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