it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize