Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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