yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize