Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
