Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize