just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
