get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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