I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
