Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
