Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
