hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
