It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
