Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
