Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Someone shattered a urinal.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
