Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
