yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
