Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
