You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
