Yo dont text me then not text me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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