Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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