sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
