Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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