The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
