woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
