Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
