I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
