after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
