You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just puked most of my soul out..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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