I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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