The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
