I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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