Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize