Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize