At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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