So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
