Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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