everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she peed on how many people?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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