why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize