I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
