the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
