i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
