Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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