you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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