Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
