I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
