I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
