I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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