Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You made out with two different species that night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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