nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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