best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize