i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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