in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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