you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
