I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
