Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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