I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
