Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
