Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
