Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
