the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
