it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize