it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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