Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
