I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
