This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
