Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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