guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The power of my boobs compel you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
